Closure
by Megan13
Summary: “Then why did you call me?” Addison demands. “Why did you call me if you’re supposed to be letting me go?”  Maddison


**AN: I thought this up at three in the a.m. after a night of Halloween debauchery when I was drunk dialling my boyfriend. I'm a chronic 'DD'er and really feel there needs to be some sort of support group or something for us. Anyway... Thought of this, sobered up, and wrote it. Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, I still have no idea what I said to the boyfriend. :)**

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine. They belong to the "wonderful" Shonda.**

* * *

"Addison?"

"Mark?" Addison rolls over and squints at the clock on her beside table. "Mark, it's three in the morning."

"I'm sorry," Mark says quietly. "I was just thinking though."

Addison sighs and sits up. "Are you drunk?"

"A little," Mark says. "Or a lot."

"Why don't you go to sleep Mark?" Addison suggests and readjusts the phone. "Get some sleep and give me a call in the morning when you're sober."

"I..." Mark hesitates before blurting out, "Addison, did you know that our kid would be talking by now?"

Addison frowns.

"She'd be talking," Mark whispers.

Addison bites her lip. "She?"

"I like to think it would have been a girl," Mark tells her. "Because then she could look like you. She'd have your bright red hair and little freckles on her cheeks and gorgeous big, blue eyes." He sighs. "And we'd take her to the park and she'd watch the ducks. But we wouldn't let her near the sandbox. Stray cats poop in the sandbox."

Addison lets out a giggle as tears begin pricking the back of her eyes. "Yeah. Yeah they do."

"No child of mine would play right next to cat poop," Mark says quite seriously. "And after the park we'd go home and I'd fall asleep with her on the couch while we watched the Yankees play."

"The Yankees, huh?"

"Oh yes. She'd love the Yankees." Mark sighs. "And then you'd order some take-out 'cause neither of us can cook and then we'd watch some pony-princess-care bear movie or something. But then she'd be sleepy so we'd take her up to bed and put her in her crib and just watch her as she sleeps. She'd be beautiful, you know?"

Addison sniffles. "Yeah, she would be."

"And then, after a few years, we would give her a little brother and I'd teach him to play baseball. I mean, I was captain of my college baseball team," Mark says matter of factly. "And we'd take them to Disney World. Yeah, they'd like that."

"Mark-"

"I know," Mark says softly. "It's just some stupid fantasy and I shouldn't have bothered you with it. It's just... She'd be _talking_ Ad. She'd be calling us Mommy and Daddy. I..." He breathes out heavily. "I'm just gonna go. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"Mark," Addison yelps before he can hang up. "Mark, do you really think those things?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Mark asks, surprised. "I know you think I would be a terrible father but that doesn't mean I don't think about it. I wanted that baby Addison. I wanted to prove to you that I was more than just some manwhore who slept with his best friend's wife and knocked her up. I wanted _us_."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this before?" Addison asks, her voice cracking. "I..."

"I didn't have a chance," Mark tells her sadly. "You never gave me the chance. And when you did you treated it so carelessly. You didn't even put in the effort and I was _so_ excited. I was trying to show you that I love you. I tried so hard Addison and you threw it in my face."

"But you broke the deal," Addison whispers. "You told me you didn't hold out."

"Come on Ad." She can tell he's rolling his eyes. "You saw me that morning in the elevator. Did I seem like I was gonna break?"

"I... No. No, you didn't."

"That's because I didn't," Mark says. "I never slept with anyone else and I can't now because the whole damn city has formed a club against me."

"Then why did you-"

"I saw you and Karev," Mark cuts her off. "I saw you and I realized that you never wanted to be with me and that we'd never work because you wouldn't _let_ us. So I gave you an out. I let you go."

"Oh Mark," Addison groans and lets her head fall backwards into the headboard with a thud. "Mark, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." His voice is so small. "It's okay because when you love someone you want them to be happy. Even if you have to sacrifice yourself in the process."

"Mark-"

"I should go," Mark says. "I shouldn't have laid all of this on you like this. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Addison tells him as a tear slides down her cheek. "I'm sorry for our child and I'm sorry that I didn't believe in you. I'm sorry for Karev. And Mark, I'm so sorry that I took your dreams from you."

"It's okay," Mark assures her. "I just want you to be happy."

"But I'm not," she cries. "I'm not happy. I hate it here. It's too sunny and hot. My colleagues either hate me or try to hit on me. I have way too much free time because I never have any patients. I hardly get to perform surgeries anymore. And while she tries hard, Naomi is a poor substitute for you. I miss our friendship. I miss our talks and I miss the way you make everything we do so much fun. I miss the way you take care of me. I just... Mark, I miss you. I miss my best friend."

"Please don't," Mark whispers. "Please don't say those things because all it does is make this harder. I need to get over you. I _have_ to get over you. And when you say those things it makes me want to hop a flight to LA so I can come get you and bring you home. But I can't do that anymore. I know that Derek and I did a number on you Addison, but you've hurt me just as much. And I can't follow you around anymore. I've accepted the fact that you don't want me and I'm trying _so hard _to move forward."

"Then why did you call me?" Addison demands. "Why did you call me if you're supposed to be letting me go?"

"I don't know," Mark says. "Closure maybe?"

"Closure?"

"Ad, I don't know." He's tiring; she can tell. "Isn't this what we do? Make drunken confessions to each other over the phone because we don't have the balls to do it sober or in person?"

"That does seem to be our prerogative," Addison concedes.

"But maybe this will be the end," Mark tells her. "Maybe the cycle stops here."

Addison nods. "Maybe."

"I wish things were different," Mark says quietly. "I really do."

Addison swallows heavily. "Mark... Are you still at the Archfield?"

"Where else would I be?"

"I just... Well it has been a few months. I thought maybe you'd moved on."

"Nope," Mark says with a tired chuckle. "Not moving forward. Just stuck in the same place."

"Well stay in the same place a little longer," Addison tells him. "Okay?"

"Sure Ad," Mark says and yawns. "Anything for you."

"Mark, I think you should go to sleep now. You have a long day ahead of you."

"I know." He yawns again. "I've got three surgeries lined up back to back."

"Goodnight Mark."

"Night." He adds, "And Ad, I really am sorry for calling you. I just... I needed to get these things off my chest. It won't happen again. So... Sorry."

"Oh Mark, don't be sorry." Addison sighs. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Kay. And Addison."

"Yeah?"

"I... I still love you and I always will, even if you don't feel the same. Goodnight."

"Night."

Addison slowly flips her phone shut and sits staring at it for a few moments. Then, with a determined nod, she throws the covers off of her, pulls out her suitcase, and calls to book herself a seat on the next flight to Seattle. If Mark didn't have the strength to follow her again, she'd just have to go to him.


End file.
